Scammers Beware!

Do you ever get those scam emails asking you to do something in exchange for large sums of money? Well, I get about 10 a day and am pretty sick of deleting all of these emails. I tried forwarding the emails to the FCC, but of course that did not stop them from coming in. So, I decided I should get back at these scammers. You may have heard of "scam baiting" or the Nigerian 419 scam (it's pretty amusing, check it out). I thought I'd give it a try. Here is one of the many emails I received last week:

HELLO DEAR,

GREETINGS TO YOU IN THE NAME OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST. I AM MRS.JONES BROWN. A WIDOW TO LATE JERRY ADAMS BROWN I AM 42 YEARS OLD. I AM NOW A NEW CHRISTAIN CONVERT, SUFFERING FROM LONG TIME CANCER OF THE BREAST. FROM ALL INDICATIONS, MY CONDITION IS REALLY DETERIORATING AND IT IS QUITE OBVIOUS THAT I WON'T LIVE MORE THAN 2 MONTHS ACCORDING TO MY DOCTORS. THIS IS BECAUSE THE CANCER STAGE HAS GOTTEN TO A VERY BAD STAGE. MY LATE HUSBAND WAS KILLED DURING THE U.S. RAID AGAINST TERRORISM IN AFGHANISTAN, AND DURING THE PERIOD OF OUR MARRIAGE WE COULD'NT PRODUCE ANY CHILD. MY LATE HUSBAND WAS VERY WEALTHY AND AFTER HIS DEATH, I INHERITED ALL HIS BUSINESS AND WEALTH.THE DOCTORS HAS ADVISED ME THAT I MAY NOT LIVE FOR MORE THAN 2 MONTHS, SO I NOW DECIDED TO DIVIDE PART OF THIS WEALTH TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE CHURCH IN AFRICA, AMERICA, ASIA AND EUROPE. I SELECTED YOU AFTER VISITING THE WEBSITE AND I PRAYED OVER IT. I AM WILLING TO DONATE THE SUM OF $12,000.000.00 USD STATES DOLLARS TO THE LESS PRIVILEGED. PLEASE I WANT YOU TO NOTE THAT THIS FUND IS LYING DOWN AT A SECURITY COMPANY IN EUROPE. I HONESTLY PRAY THAT THIS MONEY WHEN TRANSFERRED WILL SURE BE UTILIZED FOR THE SAID PURPOSE, BECAUSE I HAVE COME TO FIND OUT THAT WEALTH ACQUISITION WITHOUT CHRIST IS VANITY. MAY THE GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS, THE LOVE OF GOD AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF GOD BE WITH YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. I AWAIT YOUR URGENT REPLY. PLEASE CONTACT ME FOR MORE DIRECTIVES.

MRS JONES BROWN

Oh, poor woman, right? She has breast cancer, her husband died in Afghanistan, and she can't have children! Now, in her last days, she wants to donate 12 millions dollars to the poor. Wow. I have to see where this goes. Of course I'm not using my real name or email address. I set up a fake hotmail account under the name Stephanie Judith Tanner (yes, the middle child on the popular TV show "Full House"). It's beside the point that I know way too much about this show. Anyway, this is the reply I sent:

Hello Mrs. James Brown (I know her name is Jones Brown, but I couldn't resist). I just received your email. I'm so sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation. I would, of course, like to help you in any way I can. I am always looking for ways to help people because that is how my dad raised me. See, I know a thing about loss. My mom died right after my baby sister Michelle was born. So sad. She didn't even get a chance to know her own mom. Of course, I don't remember too much about her either. But anyway, let me know what I can do to help.

Yours in Christ,

Stephanie J. Tanner

Now I just wait for a reply. Ah ha! Snagged one! (I previously made the mistake of sounding too eager in another bait I was attempting and never got a response to my email). Here is Jones Brown's reply:

Dear Stephanie Tanner,
I thank you very much for your respond to my mail may the almighty God be with you and your entire family.

I want you to help me get the money Out from the bank and use It In helping the less priviledge and widows.

My Dear friend, I am very happy to hear from you because I have been looking for someone who Is honest and faithful that can help me In this position because I have met alot of people who promise to be honest and faithful with me but when I pray over them the holy spirit always Inform me that I have not met the right person that will help me In using my money for the less priviledge and the widow In africa,asian,europe and America.

I believe you should understand more about my life In my last mail. please friend I want you to make me a promise that you will be honest and faithful with me In this regard. Because right now I am at the state hospital and my doctor has already Informed me that It will be very hard for me to survive this sickness. friend I want you to know that I am a christain woman who Is faithful and honest I will be very happy If you can make me a promise that you are going to Keep this to yourself.
I agree that you are going to help me In this position but I will like to Know more about you and you and your entire family so that I can have more trust In you because I have prayed over this and my mind tells me that you are the right person that will help me In this position. so I will like you to reply me as soon as possible and tell me more about you and your entire family life.
Dear beloved I want you to Keep praying for me for God to take control of my life.

waiting for your Kindest respond soon
yours sister In the lord
Jones Brown

Okay, so now I have to tell her more about myself. That's easy considering I've seen every episode of Full House at least twice (at least):

Hello again. I would be happy to tell you more about myself. I am a middle child in a large family. I have a younger sister who can be a pain, as sisters sometimes are, but we always make up shortly after we fight...usually within a half an hour. I also have an older sister, Donna Jo (DJ for short). We get along much better than we did when we were kids. One time, DJ got her own phone line in the room we shared and I gave out her number to my friends. She was mad, but my dad came to the rescue and had us make up. My dad is single, having lost my mom shortly after my younger sister was born as I already told you. I also live with my aunt and uncle, their twin boys, and a family friend, Joey, who is a great comedian. As you can tell, we have a very full house. But I enjoy living with all of them and going to church every week to serve Jesus, our Lord and Savior. I have really learned to live through Jesus. I hope you do the same.
Please tell me more about yourself and your plans. What will I be doing to help?
I have to go now, my dad is bachelor of the month and has a date, so I have to watch my little sister. Hope to hear from you soon.

Yours in Christ,

Stephanie J. Tanner

Too much fun. I added the devotion to Jesus in there for my own kicks. Now that I have divulged some personal information about myself, the real scam starts. A few days later I get another email from someone named "Amos Brown". Now, these scammers have been known to be really bad at paying attention to detail, so I am now wondering whether this is the same person, or maybe her husband (who is suppose to have died, remember?). It's even better than that. Apparently, now I am entitled to this money because a relative of mine left it to me and I am the only one they could find to claim it. Amos Brown even sends me some "official" documents:

Dear Stephanie J. Tanner
How are you today?
Thanks for your mail and understanding toward this business, First let me introduce myself to you, I Am Barrister Amos Brown, A Solicitor at law, Situated at, 144 Idowu Martins Street Victoria Island Lagos Nigeria .I am the legal and personal attorney to late Mr.Robert Tanner (how convenient that I have a relative in Nigeria with my last name!). Find attached file my certificate as a lawyer, the death certificate and the police report declaration at the scene of the accident.
I must say that you have brought out the joy in me to actualize this without the bank confiscating the account of Mr. Robert Tanner.
After going through your mail,I feel it is right for me to clarify you properly on the said issue of my late client.
As the personal lawyer only myself can present a person that can claim this fund as they have issued me with twelve working days notice, I must say that I am very happy to receive your mail.
Well referred to my first mail to you, which I wrote you about the fund that was deposited by my late client here, before his sudden death,Ever since the death of my client, I have made all effort to locate any of his relatives but to no avail, I then trace his last name, Hence I contacted you. As you know you are having the same last name and only you can work with me to claim this fund.
However you have to understand that only you I can work with to get the Fund, as I don’t want the finance company to take over the fund.

You have to give me the zeal to present you as the next of kin. By so Doing you will have to forward to me the below requested information.
(1) YOUR CONTACT ADDRESS, (2) YOUR AGE.(3)TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBER
With this information’s I will immediately, proceed to swear an Affidavit at the FEDERAL HIGH COURT to authenticate the claim as the NEXT OF KIN to my late client, you don’t have to worry about any thing as I have told you that i will take care of the legal backing to authenticate the claim.
Meanwhile, as soon as I received a return mail from you i will forward to you a text application for claim, which you will send to the finance company.
You can always reach me on telephone:234-1-8123868
Looking forward to hear from you.
My kind regards to your family.
Respectfully,

Amos Brown
Tel:+234-1-8123868

Oh my God! This is too much. It's good to know that the lawyer got his degree from the Nigerian Law School. I don't think they could have done a worse cut and paste job on this one. Here is another very official looking document:

Ooooh. My poor relative burned alive!

This is so terrible. But so hilarious. It's beyond me how some people actually fall for these scams! So, the guy is asking for some more personal information. Here is where the art of scam baiting comes into play. I stall:

Hello Mr. Brown. Are you related to the person I was talking to before? The woman in the hospital? I sure hope she is going to be okay. I wonder who this Robert Tanner is. I know I have relatives all over the world, but I sure didn't know I had one in Nigeria! How exciting! Could he be my uncle? I have one uncle here, his name is Jesse. All the girls love him because he is so handsome...and he does a great Elvis impression. But he's married to my Aunt Becky. It's a funny story...Uncle Jesse went skydiving on the day of his wedding! Aunt Becky was sure mad about that. But it all worked out okay. Now they have cute twin boys. They are adorable. So, I'm not so sure about what I have to do here. Why was I chosen to get this money when there are tons of Tanners all over? Shouldn't my dad get it? He is, after all, a very deserving and wonderful man...and also very successful as a television personality. Maybe I should refer him to you. Please let me know if this would be advisable. In Christ, Stephanie Judith

Now before I sent this email, I decided to change my email address to minimize the possibility of these people tracking my IP address. The chances are low, but I change from hotmail to fastmail. I also set up an account under "Danny Tanner". Maybe they would be more willing to deal with someone who has some money. I have not had any response yet, and I don't know if I will get one. But I will keep you posted on my new hobby!